love this =) can’t remember if i already posted this, haha. but who cares?! :P

day 56

wow, i think i’ve finally finished everything on my checklist for this school week. it took a long time, but i’m glad it’s over.

i can’t remember too much, so i’ll start from the top. i woke up and met with mako at 1030. then i furiously studied for the last hour before the beethoven exam. while some questions were a bit iffy, i’m so glad that i knew all the listenings. too much info was crammed right before the test, so i thought i was bulimic. with knowledge. and facts.

i tried to talk to diva about my physics exam, but after 30 minutes, i didn’t really get anywhere. same thing with andrew. well, i understood his reasoning, so i guess i just got screwed over. oh well. looks like i’ll have to own the next exam.

my parents came to drop off a check for krup, and i got some bubble tea too! delightful. then i had dinner with nick tsaur, clement, and jv. it was coincidental that i met them all since i was studying physics at lower.

then i went to aj rafael. i reallllly liked it. it started off with kathie, and i liked her poem? pretty good, especially since she wrote it the day of. it was long too. props. then ruby came up and spoke her poems, and i really liked what she talked about. passionate and truthful. honest. and sincere. then came the act we were all waiting for! aj rafael and andrew. they started with a medley of hercules, little mermaid, mulan, and aladdin. i didn’t know many of his songs, so i was really glad when he played show stopper. i mean, of course he would! but still, it was really good. oh, and did i mention i somehow got front row seats? i came in 20 minutes late but i guess the people in front just left when i got there, so it was SO nice. my camera phone didn’t take good pictures though because there seemed to be glare or a strong reflection.

after aj, there was an open mic session, and there were some pretty talented people from berkeley playing/singing. i think they all knew aj since he went to berkeley for a year. tj was awesome. and amazingly tall. like a giant. and then, by the pressuring of steph and diane, i decided to take a chance and go up to the mic. steph’s reason was good: i got to touch his guitar. no that’s not metaphorical. i got to touch his guitar. but then i was bummed to learn that it wasn’t his guitar, but it was VERY nice. i didn’t recognize the headstock. i think it had a “C” on it. it played beautifully. i felt so nice, unlike other ones that i played…BUT i may have tactile bias, as … you know, this was played by aj rafael. but i remember playing it at first and really liking the tone.

anyways, stepping up to the mic was really awkward at first, possibly because that’s how i like to start it. then if i mess up (and i did), it’s less humiliating. (i think). i decided to play Until You because it’s dave barnes! and hopefully someone would’ve known it. i think people did. although not everyone, as people asked if that was an original. (I WISH, but words don’t flow so well with me) anyways, it was incredibly nerve wracking at start. i didn’t really recognize anyone, partly because i didn’t have my glasses on, and i didn’t realize there were so many asians i didn’t know. but i was still nervous. because there were people i knew. and aj. duh.

halfway through the song, i didn’t feel incredibly and overwhelmingly nervous. i think i blocked out the fact that people were there. and i could relax. it was fun. and then, part of me felt like i should’ve dedicated the song at the beginning. that possibly could’ve been romantic, but i decided not to. because i wasn’t sure if i could remember all the words to the song. whatever.

actually, i think i felt the worst right after playing. it made me REALLY self conscious and i was all jittery. so i kept shifting in my seat. but all in all, it went pretty well. im glad i was prodded to go up and play because i would not have done so by myself. but that’s what i love about making memories. after doing something out of my comfort, GOSH it feels exhilarating!

ok, so i guess this is whats so important about going up. i was SO surprised that aj and his group thought i sang well. i was taken aback because sure i can carry a tune, but that’s it… i can carry a tune. aj has a way to “sweet” talk the words, which i have yet to acquire. so that meant a lot to me. and then other random people complimented me which made me feel insecure. and then diane started acting all weird. ok well she usually acts crazy. i think i found that out. that and she says she’s crazy.

ok so i think to have face it. part of me enjoys compliments because of the recognition. but another half just hates it. i absolutely detest it. because this means i get glory. i dont want glory. Christ deserves glory. but i feel like i dont always make that connection when i receive compliments and such. and that frustrates me. and compliments when taken in the wrong way can be pride feeding. and im so afraid that it can happen. maybe i’m being over sensitive/conscious of it. i need a better way to deal with compliments than just acting shy or embarrassed. i think i still think/act in extremes, and i need to moderate that. i should be able to appreciate comments because people are trying to act lovingly, but also recognize that it doesn’t puff up my self image. (not sure if that’s articulated correctly)

long aside. my bad. but i believe diane was dancing and pretending i was a celebrity. so i just looked around aimlessly…ok, we took a picture with aj and andrew. dont know why they put me in the middle when aj and andrew are the important ones. and i felt tall. ( BIG SURPRSIE) hahahahah. wow. that made me feel awkwardly confident. actually i just felt awkward because i should’nt have been in the middle and im not usually the tall one in the picture.

man, these memories make it seem like it went bad. but it actually went really well. im just too used to overthinking. anyways, we hung out there and just waited until most people cleared out to talk to aj and andrew. they are SO down to earth and friendly. oh and aj touched my face! so random, but i somehow got stuck as i was moving around, and i was trying to get by him (this is not getting anywhere good) and he touched my face. horrible ending. crap. no need to elaborate.

new paragraph. so i feel like i actually know a youtube star. so cool. maybe im blowing it out of proportion, but it was so fun to meet aj. and to have him say i sing well… GOLLY. and its about time to wrap up this incredibly long but memorable entry.

went to late night and picked up a cherry madonna cheese cake. looked good, and tasted amazing. i decided to do an experiment, and i picked up a bottle of milk to see if i was lactose intolerant. drank it all. did physics homework. finished my shaw application. celebrated angela’s 21st birthday (SO PACKED. SO POPULAR) and then spent the rest of the night… 4 hours on a simple 500-word essay on my intellectual goals. i had NO idea it would be so hard. its not like i dont have intellectual goals. i just dont think about them…

anyways, im at the study lounge now, and from 12-4 i periodically let out a lot of gas. well, except for the time when jinah and esther came to study. that was troublesome. they werent annoying or anything, i just had to hold in a lot of gas. so i did some shifting. and they left around 330. phew. relief. and so to conclude, i believe milk makes me gassy due to my lactose intolerance. and i finished that paper.

TODAY WAS A BIG DAY. though the heavy rain didn’t make it seem like that. i can’t wait for spring break/KRUP. God is good, and I can’t wait to see what He’s going to do this upcoming week. I am so thankful. WHEW.