Week 7: Recap

Oh gosh, I haven’t been keeping up to date with my recaps… and for some reason, it’s harder to do! I guess the nightly updates kept me accountable, and the worst feeling is that when I try to remember what happened last Sunday, it’s like one or two things… as compared to Saturday, when memories are so much more vivid. I’ll try to be more consistent in remembering!

Sunday

Chinatown dinner for Chinese New Year’s. My parents got back home from church late because the meeting went on for so long that the superbowl had started… But, we still had to eat dinner, and to celebrate the New Year, we went to our favorite restaurant, East Ocean City, and ate around 8 or so. It was definitely late, but at least we had a large enough appetite to finish it all!

I arrived back on campus for the last 6 minutes of the Superbowl, and upon arrival, I saw so many people in the living room! That sure was great, as there were freshmen from Shaw, the girls/girlfriends from Ignacio, and of course the roommates from present and former years :) Well, I guess my mom was right because while I was reluctant to miss the Superbowl (not that I had much stake in it…), the last six minutes were the most exciting because I originally thought it was going to be a blowout. Good thing Green Bay won! I’m impressed by Aaron Rodgers…

Monday

Bought a groupon for Crazydough’s, and I decided to get dinner with Nick. Despite the ridiculously long wait for the pizza, we had a great conversation. I can’t believe so much stuff had passed by, and there was such a need to catch up! And, we practically demolished the large pizza we ordered…these are exactly the conversations I enjoy :)

Then, I rushed to the Shaw Seminar because I didn’t want to be late… wow lots of huffing and puffing, haha. The seminar was SO fun! It was all about public speaking, and Professor Rosenthal did such a great job in giving the freshmen a talk about it and then doing a fun activity involving movie quotes. My goodness, the ones who went up to give an impromptu speech were quite courageous and talented! I’m pretty sure we were all blown away by Narintohn and Reese :P

Finally, ended the night by catching up on Glee with Justin! Contrary to other people’s opinions, I enjoyed the episode… so ridiculous though, haha.

Tuesday

I surprised myself in that I focused a lot of my time in doing work in the library :) I think with such a different course load, I haven’t put in the same hours as I usually do. But, I’m starting to realize that my other commitments/clubs are catching up to me… I need to return to the bat cave :P Ended the night with a late-night senior dance practice at O’Connell, and I feel somewhat confident in my skills after Eric Lee simplified some of the moves :)

Wednesday

What a long day at lab… I decided to stay after to run some gels, but I also got to sneak into Professors & Pastries during the wait and get some snacks to go :) I had my fill, and then Young Jae and I took some pastries to go for Justin and Steph. Hehe…. Then, I finished up my lab work around 530ish…

Met up with Young Jae after lab and we ate at hillside for dinner. Today’s his birthday! Actually, Justin & I stopped by his place the night before, but it was good to chat over a hamburger at hillside :)

Lastly, Steph invited me over to a Valentine card-making party, and it was in Ruby. I saw Jules and a lot of her friends from ASTEP, and they are FREAKING creative. Wow, I’m pretty sure card stores can’t compare to how amazing these handmade cards were, and it took me the entire hour just to create one because I had no idea how I could mach up to such skill… haha. At least it turned out decent :P 

Thursday

A long day of run-throughs at Eagle’s Nest for the KSA/CSA Culture Show. It was a bit stressful since I felt like I was relearning half of the entire dance again… and it lasted for a good four hours, as we had to go through the acts three times. At least a lot of progress was made, and I got to see lots of people! There are tons of people that I didn’t know were participating, and it was interesting to see all the acts perform before the actual show :) Ended the night by watching the other episode of Glee with Justin :P

Friday

Three month anniversary! :) Steph decided to come to ROFL because we had a guest speaker, Steve Chua. I think for the most part, it went well though the kids were definitely having a lot of fun, saying that I had a girlfriend now… Oh, the parents were surprised too…. I think the only people I really told were the youth, so they didn’t freak out as much… I think it was better to bring her first on a Friday because there are generally less adults there, so that if she comes on a Sunday, at least some people will be like, oh that’s old news. sorta. For some reason, people at BC still don’t think so :P

Saturday

100 Days… Eh. Not really thinking about it, so I guess it doesn’t affect me, hah :)

CSA/KSA Culture Show was so fun! Though ridiculously tiring after. I’m so glad it’s over because I could definitely see everyone’s hard work in making it a success! And, it was great to be able to watch most of the acts as part of the audience, especially the Music Act with David Kim :) I was a bit bummed that I couldn’t see the Fan Dance because I had to get ready, but at least I saw it during run throughs. Also, I had a bit of a scare, when I realized I lost my light before the performance, but it’s a good thing Eric Lee had spares! The senior dance went by SO quick, and after the show, people were asking whether I heard them in the crowd, but I think I zoned out so much in just making sure I wouldn’t let my nervousness get the best of me. And, looking back, I’m really glad that I did this, though I hope nobody expects me to actually dance… :P

Finally, ended the night by going to Hemali’s 21st birthday party, since she’s Steph’s roommate. This was quite interesting since this was one of the first parties I ever went to voluntarily… actually, just in general, haha. People were having a fun time, though I had to duck out early because I had to drive home and I was reallllly tired. I think I was more exhausted than I imagined because when I get to that stage, I just zone out. So, it wasn’t the most enjoyable experience as I just people-watch… and that’s also probably due to the fact that I’m very introverted when there’s lots of people, despite the fact that I knew some of them. Surprisingly, I found that I didn’t judge people when they drank… weird. And, I can’t believe I actually played Pong, except that Steph had to absorb the punishment as I had to drive soon… Funny though, the whole time I was playing, all I could think about was that I wanted to play videogames, i.e. Starcraft 2. It was the strangest feeling because I just kept analyzing the situation… that I’m in the basement. Throwing ping pong balls in cups. I’d so much rather play ping pong… So, I don’t know how well I’d fare in a party situation. I might just spend most of my time looking at people or looking at stuff. or zoning out and thinking about anything at random. I guess I know the “secret” which is to participate, and not anticipate… but, dancing’s not really my thing (contrary to what the culture show may tell you…) and I don’t really mind being awkward. Actually, it might be harder to make things awkward if people are drunk because they don’t catch the usual cues. SHOOT. This might be fun! I must now hone my awkwardness…

day 354

my goodness, i’ve reached exhaustion again… whew.

man, i didn’t sleep till 5:30 last night because both my roommates had a chem final the next day, and nick decided to pull an all-nighter… i guess that didn’t bother me too much but we did talk about black swan since he was the one who recommended me to watch it. i did enjoy talking it over with him, though i’m pretty sure half my brain was functioning with little sleep… haha. 

woke up at 8am, and got ready to send esther to south station. i offered her a ride because i could not fathom how she could bring her freaking ENORMOUS suitcase with her all the way to south station… and i figured driving there would teach me how to get to china town and navigate around… and it did =) well sorta… i basically just learned more about mass pike :P anyways, steph, esther, and i left around 9am, got breakfast and dunkin donuts, and got to south station with enough time for esther to catch the 10am fungwah bus. then, we headed back to BC, and i took a nap until noon…

when i awoke, it was almost time to meet steph’s family! let’s see… i met her mom and dad, her oldest brother tim, and her best friend karyn. initially, i was definitely afraid. or more unsure as to what to do… so i just walked around, haha. steph was busy showing the family around the house, and that gave me time to recollect myself :P things got rolling as we helped steph move out of her place, and then we decided to go to cleveland circle for lunch. when we stepped outside, it was snowing! amazing… the first time it snows is always entrancing and magical… anyways, we decided to go to bangkok bistro, and i brought steph and her brother in my van. while steph was talking to her parents, tim and i (wow that sounds like i’m talking to myself…) talked about his role in being the protective brother… and i realized that i would be in his shoes if either of my sisters started dating… haha. thankfully, he seemed fine with the whole thing and im guessing you’re supposed to be mean as the older brother but i didn’t get that from him. whew. :P anyways, that whole thing started making me think about my sisters… haha. oh boy. well, when we got to bangkok, we realized that it was closed! so we headed to chipotle and got lunch. steph & i split a burrito because after eating a couple times, we had to admit we couldn’t finish one by ourselves… haha. 

during lunch, i enjoyed listening to the conversations because i’m pretty sure this is what happened when steph came to dinner with my family… it gave me a feel of what goes on back at home and how each person relates to one another =) i always find that fascinating just because you’re never sure how things are until you actually talk and listen.  like, i knew pastor lim mainly spoke in english, but it didn’t really occur to me until i was watching (wow now i sound like a stalker…) them :P and i guess that’s different from my family because i would not trust my dad’s english, haha. half of the time, my dad has corny jokes…ah and, i got to talk with steph’s mom in mandarin since she’s fluent in taiwanese, mandarin, and english, and i got to share about how my parents too. i guess my dad’s side is also from the same place in china as her family. interesting… well, after lunch, we parted ways, and sadly, i got a parking ticket! doh… though i’m pretty sure i was only late like 5-10 minutes, but i realized that if this was the worst thing that happened today so far, then i’m totally happy :)

after steph’s family left, i returned to my room to do some errands and took a nap. then, i did some packing and then offered to send my roommates and jv to coolidge corner since they were going to see black swan! the buses were not running too efficiently in the snow, and i thought it’d be better if i just sent them. it was a fun trip there, though there was definitely a lot of traffic! i’m glad i was able to spend time with them on the car one last time before next year, and then after a lot of waiting on the road, i made it to newton to pick up karen. since i didn’t finish packing, karen came back with me to my room to help clean up, pack, and make dinner. i really could not have done it without her help! while i packed, she helped wash dishes/make dinner, and we switched off in making dumplings and chicken nuggets, and we were able to eat and finish packing by 9… we loaded the minivan, and i headed over to 90 to say bye to the guys before heading back home. despite the snowfall, driving went safely, slowly, and smoothly. i think one time when i was driving my roommates to black swan, the van was acting up and not accelerating… with lights flashing and stuff… but i was able to pull over and restart the car. (i don’t think restart is the right word :P) but, thankfully, nothing bad happened! especially since i heard there were a couple accidents on comm ave that day. karen and i finally got back home around 10:30, and i felt SO relieved… i can’t wait to rest :) but at the same time, i gotta start working for my dad tomorrow! man, i guess at least i won’t be bored? i crave sleep…

day 294

i did not sleep too well the night before… but when 630 came around, i was up! i took a long shower, and got myself psyched up for the day. actually, it was more like reflection and rehearsing answers to interview questions. when i got out of the shower, my breakfast came! except, it was weird because i had to accept it with just a towel since i had JUST come out of the shower… good thing it was a guy? uh. i had bacon, eggs, & potatoes with apple juice :) totally hit the spot. and despite feeling a cough coming on and lots of congestion, i felt like i could make it through the day. i got ready by 7:30, so i relaxed, looked over a couple more questions, and listened to brooke fraser to calm the nerves. i LOVE her new album! i’ve had to have played “Who Are We Fooling?” at least 50 times this past week… it’s so chillingly beautiful. but i think it’s about breaking up… doh. anyways, i posted the song recently, so i would definitely take a listen if you haven’t already… and buy her ALBUM! =)

i left the hotel at 8 and had plenty of time to spare when i arrived at the upenn dental school. i think in the meeting room, there was in total 14 interviewees including myself, and as always, the beginning was intimidating because everyone’s in suits (well the guys are… i’m not sure if suits are correct for girls… but the equivalent.) and i guess i have the habit of “sizing” people up. you know, to make myself feel more confident. a lot of people were from california and florida. two of notre dame… and one girl from northeastern! so, definitely an interesting mix. we went through introductions and info sessions in the morning, and one point made by the director admissions really struck me: “we care about people, not statistics.” i feel like that’s hard for upenn to say when their fact sheets show high mean gpas/dat scores, etc… but after looking over their information and talking with the students, i really believed it. and, it really resonated with me, because i’m hoping that i will continue to develop as a person in dental school!

we then took a tour around upenn, and the facilities were nice for the most part… the lecture rooms don’t have windows though… strange. and finally, it was time for my interviews! my first one was at 11, and this was with the assistant dean of admissions. it felt intimidating at first, but she was really nice, and i felt like i could just open up. i talked a lot about kairos, and developing as a person, and at the end of our short conversation, i felt that i had an opportunity to share parts of myself that weren’t on the application :) as soon as i got out of that interview, i was met with another faculty member, and we went to her office for the second interview! i kinda went over the same things because she had specific questions, but since it was more like an interview, i made sure to highlight examples that would answer the questions… and not just bs or something :P like, she wanted to know about my best and worst experience at bc, and i said kairos was my best experience, while the worst experience had to be the drinking culture because there doesn’t seem to be a compelling alternative. and, i also shared about my core group of friends in shaw, and how that’s allowed me to branch out and meet new people, especially people who i hope to stay friends after graduation :) and i think we ended with sharing about an example of feeling overwhelmed, so i told her about junior year and balancing everything, like physics, school work, studying, extracurriculars, relationships, church, sleep, etc. and i was able to maintain this by destressing through like guitar, journaling, and having conversations with people. so again, i felt very happy at the end of the interviews because i could share my story! =)

after the interviews, i really unwound…. we had lunch with a couple students, who were very helpful in describing the ups and downs of upenn, and i’m really impressed about how one guy came to upenn knowing that he wanted to be the best clinician possible. i think that’s my goal too… i’m pretty sure research isn’t for me. and he’s a family guy, and i think that’s something i resonate with too! after that, i took a self-guided tour of upenn, and the campus is BEAUTIFUL. i’d still say BC is more beautiful, but it’s under construction… :/ anyways, it’s a different kind of beauty because it’s so interesting how insulated it feels while being situated in the middle of a bustling city! that was pretty cool. and for the longest time, i thought this row of buildings belonged to a museum, but i figured out that they were housing! craaaaazy. 

seriously though, that does NOT look like housing… but another view of it actually reminds me of the new stokes hall that’s being built at BC… hmm.

upenn quad

vs.

bc stokes hall

haha maybe not.. i duno. after the tour, i went to go visit the bookstore, and it’s HUGE. i guess because it’s sponsored by barnes & noble, but it basically was a B&N store… with two floors and i was overwhelmed by everything they sold! bc bookstore could not compare. but, i realized that it was just as expensive :P so i just bought some thank you cards that i would use later, a card for my gajok daughter, rachel’s birthday, and a gift for my sister because i found some cool pencils! i didn’t want to buy a tshirt or something that said upenn… because what if i don’t get in? that’d be gg… haha.

anyways, being done with visiting upenn, i met up with nick & stella, and we hung out at their place, playing halo reach :P then we headed to koreana, and it had some amazing korean food! i couldn’t believe it: kalbi for $9! i think hmart costs $15… and it was pretty good :) that, and they paid for my dinner :D so i was very grateful. and full afterward, even though we ate a very early dinner at 4. the reason was because i had to catch the train back to the airport at 5… so they accommodated my schedule. we said our goodbyes as i took the bus to the train station, and i made it there a couple minutes late for the train at 5, but thankfully, i could catch the one at 5:30 and still make it an hour early before my plane left at 7:15. 

checking in and security was very quick, and there was like no line for security compared to the ones in logan! i waited at the terminal, and did some homework/reviewing. knocked out on the plane even though i planned on doing work :P after arriving at boston, i got on the silver line bus, went to south station, took it to park street, then took the B line to the star market at babcock… just to buy a birthday cake for rachel! i hope you realize that my gajok family is going to be the best ever!! anyways, i knew that the T would take forever getting back to campus, and i was already running late for a group meeting at 10… so i took a cab, and i was just $15 to get back to BC, including tip. i managed to get to BC around 10:30, changed/unpacked, and got ready to meet people at lower. thankfully, the project was mostly done, and i could just edit the rest later… so i headed off for rachel’s birthday. we met up at upper, and i’m so impressed that our entire family made it! it was kind of a fail at the beginning because we actually went into her room BEFORE 12… some freshmen were too antsy. haha. but, we sang happy birthday to her, justin oh used a lighter as a candle (so ghetto!), and then justin also caked her… haha. i guess since she’s now a ksa fresh rep, he gets to do that… that and he’s the grandpa of all gajoks. fine fine, i guess i must respect my elders :P oh the only bummer was that we never got to eat the cake! rachel is wayyyyy too popular, and there were so many of her friends there once we said happy birthday, so we just left and let her share the cake with her friends… bummer :/

a good night though, as the rest of us headed back down to lower. and now it’s time to study… i’m glad i did put some time into this exam already… but i hope i don’t stay up too late! i am also glad that i’m writing this entry now so i won’t leave it for the last minute and sleep even later! i think i’m gonna have to study more tomorrow and skip my 12pm class just to be safe. whew, i didn’t think i’d be THIS busy as soon as i got onto campus… but what an exciting day!

day 293

ok so i can’t journal too long because i need to sleep soon!

classes went well today… turned in my homework early for math because i wouldn’t be able to on thursday… because of my interview! thankfully, she’s really understanding and she’ll help me catch up on the stuff i miss because i’ll also miss two more lectures the next week :/ physio and dev were fine too, we got to play jeopardy!…except it wasn’t as interesting as i thought it’d be. oh well

packing for the trip went smoothly, i had enough time so i didn’t rush, but throughout the packing and trip to philly, i felt like i didn’t pack something… but so far, i haven’t lost anything! oh and i updated my splash class for pokemon :P see X58… it’s gonna be legendary :)

the trip and flight to philly went by really smoothly. stopped by mcdonalds to get monopoly stuff finally :O… i won medium fries… meh. i knocked out on the plane, and then the ride from the airport to the hotel took an hour! so frustrating… but at least it was only $10. actually, waiting for the bus was kinda weird. i called the place, and they told me to go to the transportation front desk and ask for 27. what?! so when i got there, i was told to sign my name, and i was given a ticket. then i was given a phone to dial 27… and it was the woman from the bus place again. whoa. and because i had a ticket, now she could give the driver directions to pick me up… yeah i think i’m gonna take the train back to the airport…

after getting situated at the hotel, which is FREAKING nice. i didn’t even turn on the tv though… but i shouldn’t get distracted! i love the soap and lotion they provide… i’m gonna bring it back :P i looked at the map they gave me and realized that drexel was next to upenn! SERIOUSLY? because stella and nick, who are from my youth group, go there! and so i called them up, and hung out with them. they showed me their place, and then we went out and visited the grocery store to pick up a late night snack… sushi! mmmmmm. i’m glad they showed me around because i was afraid the city might be dangerous… and even better, we basically went to the dental school, so now i know how far it is! oh, but the only bad thing is that i almost saw two girls get run over… because they crossed the street when they weren’t supposed to… i guess drivers dont stop O_O. oh boy. meanwhile, it was really great catching up with them because i haven’t talked to them often, especially since they didn’t come back in the summer due to coop. i only talked to nick in the summer because of starcraft 2 :P anyways, it was really cool because they visited me in my freshmen year, and now i had the opportunity to see them :) it was definitely a fun time, and i hope that they get coop jobs back in mass! oh, and i’m looking forward to eating dinner with them before heading back to the airport tomorrow :D

i spent the rest of the night preparing for the interview tomorrow… and i think i’m falling in love with upenn! so much of the school resonates with me, and while i was nervous for most of the day about this interview, now i’m really excited! i really hope i’m able to speak my mind and leave the interview confident about how i shared my thoughts…. the only bummer is that i can feel a cough beginning to happen :/ i think i stayed out too much the past few nights in the cold talking to people. oh well… being in the room and eating sushi and reading on upenn was a very unstressful night… kinda reminds me of kairos :P oh and i ironed my clothes… that was fun too!

oh, and after mako’s talk yesterday about being thankful, i’ve made a conscious decision to be thankful about the big and small things, like being able to interview at upenn, and also for the whole trip so far to go so smoothly. i’m sure i’ve been thankful before about stuff like this, but i’m hoping that by making enough conscious decisions, it’ll become a good habit, and develop into a way of life :)

ok well, i gotta get ready to suit up tomorrow and do well in my interview :)

day 288

Gosh, it felt so weird “sleeping” for 3 hours… I went to my 9AM and felt find but crashed when I got back. Nick also got back in the morning since he slept over at Northeastern at Sean G’s after watching a double feature & missing the T. so, we both knocked out from 10 until almost 12! and we both had class… so we rushed to class and we were just a few minutes late. classes were fine, and justin and i got lunch at the rat. shinyoung joined us as well and we talked.

one thing that’s been on my mind is alcohol…i’m 21 yet i haven’t “exercised” my new rights, and in a sense, it’s been a stumbling block for me. for some reason, i came to the odd conclusion that for myself, drinking responsibly is more Christ-like than abstaining…weird. possibly because i hate losing control if i can help it, and i always focus on the negative aspects of alcohol. to the extent that drinking would result in me judging people negatively because of said action. sad, i know… because i’d probably judge some stuff i do as unchristlike. and, i arrived at another conclusion: i’d totally judge jesus if i saw him at a bar. and that’s when i realized i had a problem…

so i talked with justin about it, and i think my main fear is losing control because i’m such a lightweight. yet, hearing how justin & young & dave went out for a drink and how it was a great time, especially since it was dave’s first beer, made me realize that it’s really not a slippery slope.

we headed back to our rooms because we all had retreats to attend, and nick & i packed for kairos! as usual, i overpacked, but we made it to the bus on time, and headed off to dover. on the ride there, nick & i talked about alcohol as well because i wanted his perspective, and again, i was affirmed that it’s not that bad. actually, if god made it, then it’s actually good! it was interesting to hear his stories of trying alcohol and realizing his limit, and i think i’ll have to experiment as well, though with much caution….i hope i don’t approach this like i do to solutions in organic chemistry… that’d be a huge fail. and one last thing that i took back from the two conversations i had about alcohol is that i want to definitely do this in the company of friends i can trust because i won’t be judged (hopefully!) and they’ll have my back if anything does happen. so, hopefully, i can update my journey/progress soon!

arriving at the retreat center, i was excited to see what the secrets of kairos were all about…but since i’m afraid i’ll spoil any fun whatsoever for those who have not yet gone on kairos, i can only say that i’m enjoying my time so far and the leaders really know how to get everyone comfortable & reflective quick! oh and it seems nick & i will be spending LOTS of quality time together! i can’t wait for tomorrow :)

this is probably one of the earliest times i’ve slept…oh but i mean, i don’t have the time, so i’m guessing :P sorta. i’ve cheated a bit by bringing my cellphone with me to tell time but i’m deliberately putting it away to prevent distractions! thought…. what’s harder is to stop thinking about homework :/

day 130

sort of productive day. woke up a lot later than i thought i would… but i started studying at noon, got lunch, and proceeded to study more in my room. but, it is PRETTY cold. i didn’t realize it until i had to put on my sweatshirt. 

went to the shaw council meeting, and it was short. i have a lot to look forward to this summer, so that’s gonna be exciting. i hope that my expectation of “unifying” the shaw classes isn’t too ideal of a goal. we’ll see how that plays out next year…but i know if i want to see change, it must start with me!

handed in some financial aid forms late..and spent a good 10 minutes putting my eagle id on every single piece of paper. i think there were at least 50+ pages, but i definitely have my id memorized by now. actually, the sad thing is, i didn’t even bring in all the forms, so i need to get my parents to fill out a couple more…

did some more studying in young and justin’s secret room. tiffany found us though. haha. and we got some work done before heading off to acf family dinner!

when justin and i arrived, everyone was cooking…. yum :) the food smelled delicious as susie and sandy worked the grill while saeyoung was in the kitchen with tofu and soup. and nick scooped the rice while pearl, justin, and i watched. we were very good observers, to say the least. so much food though! i just kept watching susie grill more and more pork, and we amassed a huge tub of it…wow. (sorry, i don’t know any korean food names. but perhaps that’s good or else it’ll make everyone start salivating :P) we sat around the “living room” in edmonds 520, and as we ate, ayo finally came! and so our family was complete (minus jackie because she already left for france for an internship… BOOOOOOO) and i loved it. sitting around, sharing our rose, thorn, bud (like we seem to always do, haha), and enjoying each other’s company. it seems like our experiences this year have reflected how much we have grown. i think i was particularly impressed by ayo’s involvement at cornerstone and how he has encouraged us to become more involved in our churches to make it our own. how true, and that’s what i’m trying to encourage the youth at my church to do too. 

wow i’m having a memory lapse because i can’t seem to remember everyone’s roses, thorns, and buds… haha wow fail. but it seems like everyone’s looking forward to this summer because there’s just SO much to do… how vague, but i think a lot of people are staying here over the summer, and aside from that, of course, susie and saeyoung are graduating so their summer plans are really important in how they transition from school to the “real world.” and i’m really going to miss them. sort of. i think they’ve instilled their character, hope, wisdom and love in me in a way that i don’t think i can easily forget. an indelible mark perhaps? but, i think much of my bc experience has been influenced by this acf family, and i’m so grateful for this memory. i think it’s the group dynamic that just makes it so comfortable and welcoming. shoot, i can’t really remember my roses either. haha, it was kind of hard to keep track since sharing seemed to overlap in categories, but whatever! i think the relationships we’ve developed in this family have awakened a sense to create similar ones with other people on campus (and NOT necessarily acf kids). 

ok, well after that, the guys stayed a little longer….to talk. aha! nick kept making certain faces at saeyoung and susie when they shared, but they never mentioned anything…about a certain topic. so, ayo, justin, nick, and i started “speculating” about saeyoung’s girlfriend because “someone” told us! oh gosh, that conversation was hilarious, especially as yoobin and anna started joining in, and we made it SO obvious that there was just a freaking elephant in the room. i mean, a DINOSAUR. or a WHALE. i can’t tell which one is bigger, but it’s a metaphor. or analogy? whatever, nick was saying something like that. but saeyoung didn’t give it up! he’s so sly in staying quiet. he would just sit in the corner…and sit. and act emo. or wise. or both. i mean, he did close our meeting with some wise words, and just from his own experience, i think i’ve come to recognize the fact that my own plan for a career should not define my college experience… i may possibly be doing something else aside from dentistry, and i shouldn’t feel pigeonholed by such a realization. we’ll see, because in a sense, i don’t want to limit how god can work through me due to my stubbornness in being comfortable…whether that’s working at a well-paying job. or having material wealth. or living in a nice community…and i think just as important, susie closed the entire meeting with some remarks and a prayer, and it definitely brought closure to the acf family group experience as a whole. beautiful. i wonder what will happen next?

oh i DO know. because we had to leave edmonds, so as we left with saeyoung and susie….we FINALLY weaseled out this statement from saeyoung: i’m going out with susie. AHA. YESSSSSSSS. all the guys let out SUCH a loud cheer, ahahah. we knew it. though it did take some time for that to happen… so happy for them! though, that crosses some social norms, namely incest… ahaha owned. they were brother/sister as sophomores? and uncle/mother to me! woooowwww. owned. but that brought even MORE closure to the group, ahahaha. awessssome. i don’t know why i’m so happy.

and then i spent the rest of the night studying for physics. i’m not too worried, but then again, i’ve spent so much time on it, so i should be ready by now… we’ll see how it goes tomorrow. i can’t really worry about it anymore, so i hope i’m just able to try my hardest and be proud of my effort when i hand my test in…

day 117

what a great day…filled with conversations with friends. catching up, and just being in their presence.

i was nervous in getting my paper back from philosophy, but i did well! i was so surprised by the comments, and i can’t believe i was able to organize my thoughts in a well-ordered manner. well enough that it was articulate, i think.

lunch was interesting. dan kim (013) and i decided to go to eagle’s nest, and as we waited in line for food, we talked about kierkegaard and his depressing life… of loving a girl, getting cold feet during the wedding, returning to the girl he loved and finding out that she found someone else already. and yet, he wrote fear and trembling after that. and talked about how loving someone is like having faith in god. there’s risk, there’s hope, and that’s the danger! it was some good conversation, and we joined andrew paik, and eugene for lunch. later, don and justin came, and it was a fun lunch with all juniors + dan :P. haha, we played a funny trick on don, by ignoring him until he realized that we were doing that…and i was just laughing the entire time because it was SO cruel……. but, i think that’s a risk of friendship in some ways. we meet our friends expecting something in return, and when we don’t, it’s weird. it’s uncomfortable. and we try to minimize such interactions because we want to be accepted. love is tough to understand…

after classes, i got ready for my interview at 330 for an officer position in alpha sigma nu, the honor society at bc. and it was SO fun getting ready. i LOVE suiting up. it makes me feel important and it makes me walk stiffer. like im in the army or something. like im official. haha. its funny how just a change of clothes can make me feel different. well, i guess that’s true because when im naked, i feel A LOT different. like vulnerable. or like im in need of a shower. ok, maybe that’s a bad example, but the suit is like a costume, and i like playing dressup! except, the MAN’s version of dress up. which would be work? i guess that’s my only reason for going into business: those people always look sharp, and it’s fun tying a tie. and having your clothes pressed. and putting them on, like it’s a super hero suit. or even better, an IRON MAN Suit. so, it was off to the interview: i shaved, gelled my hair, put on deodorant, tied my tie, and wore my suit! READY.

on my way there, i met justin, ray and jen li. at oneil.

the interview with father boughton went really well. he asked questions about my service trips to portugal and new orleans, my reasons for applying, the classes i’ve enjoyed at bc, and how i’ve come to adjust to bc life (something along those lines). and i just talked. about youth group. about relationships. about christ. about shaw. and more about shaw. and it made me feel valued to see and know that i was being listened to…gosh this sounds like i went to a counseling session. but, im so glad it didn’t feel awkward, and i had prepared for this and i think it showed. actually, even more so, i am SO appreciative of the fact that he encouraged me after the interview, affirming that i was reflective, considerate, prepared, and that really brightened my day.

i went to study after the interview, but jv wanted to get dinner at 430, so i thought i could grab a snack with him at lower since i already planned dinner with susie at 7… and even better, hoff was there too! so, i bought them food since both of them didn’t have anything on their meal plans…and we just had some good conversation. nick also joined us, and we “brainstormed” about what to do for jv’s birthday tomorrow :P well, i’m gonna definitely wake up tomorrow to get breakfast with him, but i don’t know what else… i really enjoyed the time talking at lower, catching up, and such. hoff is always so funny and i am really looking forward to being roommates! 

after that, i finally changed out of my suit, and i did some more studying until it was time to eat with susie! except, she wasn’t really hungry…so we kinda just shared one meal, since i definitely couldn’t finish my seafood platter…and that didn’t work out either because there was STILL leftovers. oh well, she took it back to her room. i think this was the first time i talked with susie one on one and it was already near the end of the year! DOHHHH. but it was so good. we learned some pretttttttttty interesting things about each other that i am not able to share at the moment. hahahahaha. BUT IT IS SO EPIC IT BLOWS MY MIND BECAUSE i’d like to think i know stuff. but who knows? maybe it isn’t that amazing…susie’s always seems optimistic. or hopeful. and im so thankful for her and saeyoung because they invested so much time into acf family and into me. i think i’ve really applied what i’ve learned from them by trying to invest into the years below me. to give parts of myself away, and to love others more.

and, i guess the other thing we talked about was the fact that i became “popular” or something and i tried to sequester such rumors because that was weird. i’m REALLY hoping that i haven’t “sold out” to please others. because if i can’t stand that in others, then i know i would hate it in myself. and it does make me want to re-evaluate how i make friendships. or in general, do i want to be involved with acf? because this wasn’t something i anticipated. although i think i’m overreacting and exaggerating. i really do appreicate the relationships and memories i’ve made through acf, and without joining worship team, i would have never met many of these people….and would’ve just stuck with shaw. though, there is something attractive with rooming with shaw people next year…they know me my freshman and sophomore year, and perhaps they could better tell how i’ve changed up till now. because i’m biased, and as much as i’d like to think of myself as static, i’m not. i never am. people aren’t. but, i hope i’ve changed for the better. i really do wonder what next year is going to have in store for me…i’m worried that the friendships i make revolve solely upon who i room with because that’s been the case so far…i tend to make friendships through my roommates. haha.

well that was a long tangent, but meeting up with susie was so helpful for me. i always wonder what people are going to do after graduation, and it looks like her plans are laid out. she doesn’t seem too worried, and i’m glad to have the opportunity to thank her for her influence on me…because i’d rather do it in person than to have to like…say it at a roast or even worse, forget to do it! shoot, i only have a couple weeks left, and i need to make sure i thank all the seniors that i know…

i should’ve started this project a BIT earlier. oh well. we’ll see how it goes.

went back to the room to watch glee with nick. caught him just in time as he was starting! then i just did work for the rest of the night…but i wish i went to the library because it would’ve made me feel more productive…

day 82

i’m so glad i got 8 hours of sleep last night. but for some reason, i still felt tired when i awoke. whatever. i felt like a lot of my worries from last night disappeared when i woke. of course, they came back to haunt me, but i could better handle it and push it aside. i think those kind of struggles are the hardest. when mornings suck and i just feel like giving into the lies, stresses, and worries of the day. but not today. even though it was raining outside.

as i read my entries, i realize that my grammar can be off at times. usually, i catch it, but sometimes i just can’t formulate a complete thought and i think that’s reflected in my essays too. and how i talk . ideas in mind dont get translated too well into words. but, einstein was thought to be mentally retarded, so i still have hope. and i need to be more concise. and interesting.

today was a long day in the sense that i didn’t feel like i returned to my room until 10. after getting out of class at 4, i had acf practice at 430, and after that, it was acf large group, so… my day was basically taken up. that and i knew i had to study for the rest of the night. so there goes my day and night.

but, in terms of interesting stuff, acf practice was long, filled with lots of puzzles…as in, where IS the plug? where is the mixer? which confuddled us for a long time. but eventually, we used my midi piano hooked up to ableton and it worked pretty well. and mako brought an old mixer. 

and, i must thank nick for being willing to bring up my laptop and piano in such short notice. what a good and dependable friend :) i don’t think you’re supposed to quantify relationships or something to that extent, but i’ll definitely remember this. because it was so out of the way. and i felt bad for calling in a favor, but it was a time saver and yeah i’m very happy. because i’m lucky to call nick a friend. great, now it’s awkward if he reads this. but whatever. i’m counting my blessings and being thankful for what i have, and not complain for what i possibly “might-not-have” or “might need”.

today was young park’s birthday. jane came to bring him cake. so did michelle. but jane’s cake was black forest. and black forest was REALLY good. but i didn’t get a strawberry. possibly because we learned during the ACF Dating Talk that strawberries are aphrodisiacs…i bet that’s why all the girls got them…but i really wanted one. but it’s not my birthday so i can’t complain. maybe i’ll get one tomorrow at mac.

ACF Dating was not as exciting as i thought it’d be…bummer. i think. especially since we were going through song of songs. i found it hard for myself to formulate a worthwhile opinion of dating because i fluctuate between a thinking and a feeling personality. so, part of me wants to just go ALL OUT. go big or go home, right? i want to be able to sweep a woman off her feet (though i’m not that strong physically… so possibly i’ve limited my range of women unless i start working out) and love upon her because she deserves it as a daughter of God. 

but, the thinking part of me knows i should guard my heart. i should take it slow. it’s a turn-off to just be so reckless with love. people nowadays just don’t do that. it’s only in the movies, and those are usually the corny ones. or Disney ones. and of course, that’s just a happily ever after which is totally unreal. and i should seek someone who has compatible core values, and good character/values and a good personality and beauty. in that order. sort of like a checklist. that sounds safe. maybe too safe. 

and i don’t think it’s just me that thinks like this (i hope), and i really want to reconcile these two ideas. but, i feel like i diminish the true passion of each view by compromise. how ugly. so, as always, i am stuck just thinking of what ifs. though, that’s not too bad, i must admit, since i’m good at making excuses, and more importantly, i’m busy. (good excuse right?) ok, i’m sorry for indulging, and i don’t think that’s really my view because that’s too easy.

But, i want to live a story. a worthwhile story. a story that has conflict but resolution. and i want to create that resolution. in my terms. and not let other people dictate that for me. 

oh, and it seems that there’s been a birthday everyday for this past week. and in a conversation, i have found that parents like to make love in june. greaaat. i’m bummed for missing kevin’s birthday. doh. and today was also jen li’s birthday. 

let’s see: jae lee (sun), eugene kim (mon), young park & jen li & pegah (tue), kevin chen (wed)… who’s next? oh, kathie chang’s is on thursday. 

i’m doing a bad job of making time to study for immunology…maybe tomorrow then.

day 56

wow, i think i’ve finally finished everything on my checklist for this school week. it took a long time, but i’m glad it’s over.

i can’t remember too much, so i’ll start from the top. i woke up and met with mako at 1030. then i furiously studied for the last hour before the beethoven exam. while some questions were a bit iffy, i’m so glad that i knew all the listenings. too much info was crammed right before the test, so i thought i was bulimic. with knowledge. and facts.

i tried to talk to diva about my physics exam, but after 30 minutes, i didn’t really get anywhere. same thing with andrew. well, i understood his reasoning, so i guess i just got screwed over. oh well. looks like i’ll have to own the next exam.

my parents came to drop off a check for krup, and i got some bubble tea too! delightful. then i had dinner with nick tsaur, clement, and jv. it was coincidental that i met them all since i was studying physics at lower.

then i went to aj rafael. i reallllly liked it. it started off with kathie, and i liked her poem? pretty good, especially since she wrote it the day of. it was long too. props. then ruby came up and spoke her poems, and i really liked what she talked about. passionate and truthful. honest. and sincere. then came the act we were all waiting for! aj rafael and andrew. they started with a medley of hercules, little mermaid, mulan, and aladdin. i didn’t know many of his songs, so i was really glad when he played show stopper. i mean, of course he would! but still, it was really good. oh, and did i mention i somehow got front row seats? i came in 20 minutes late but i guess the people in front just left when i got there, so it was SO nice. my camera phone didn’t take good pictures though because there seemed to be glare or a strong reflection.

after aj, there was an open mic session, and there were some pretty talented people from berkeley playing/singing. i think they all knew aj since he went to berkeley for a year. tj was awesome. and amazingly tall. like a giant. and then, by the pressuring of steph and diane, i decided to take a chance and go up to the mic. steph’s reason was good: i got to touch his guitar. no that’s not metaphorical. i got to touch his guitar. but then i was bummed to learn that it wasn’t his guitar, but it was VERY nice. i didn’t recognize the headstock. i think it had a “C” on it. it played beautifully. i felt so nice, unlike other ones that i played…BUT i may have tactile bias, as … you know, this was played by aj rafael. but i remember playing it at first and really liking the tone.

anyways, stepping up to the mic was really awkward at first, possibly because that’s how i like to start it. then if i mess up (and i did), it’s less humiliating. (i think). i decided to play Until You because it’s dave barnes! and hopefully someone would’ve known it. i think people did. although not everyone, as people asked if that was an original. (I WISH, but words don’t flow so well with me) anyways, it was incredibly nerve wracking at start. i didn’t really recognize anyone, partly because i didn’t have my glasses on, and i didn’t realize there were so many asians i didn’t know. but i was still nervous. because there were people i knew. and aj. duh.

halfway through the song, i didn’t feel incredibly and overwhelmingly nervous. i think i blocked out the fact that people were there. and i could relax. it was fun. and then, part of me felt like i should’ve dedicated the song at the beginning. that possibly could’ve been romantic, but i decided not to. because i wasn’t sure if i could remember all the words to the song. whatever.

actually, i think i felt the worst right after playing. it made me REALLY self conscious and i was all jittery. so i kept shifting in my seat. but all in all, it went pretty well. im glad i was prodded to go up and play because i would not have done so by myself. but that’s what i love about making memories. after doing something out of my comfort, GOSH it feels exhilarating!

ok, so i guess this is whats so important about going up. i was SO surprised that aj and his group thought i sang well. i was taken aback because sure i can carry a tune, but that’s it… i can carry a tune. aj has a way to “sweet” talk the words, which i have yet to acquire. so that meant a lot to me. and then other random people complimented me which made me feel insecure. and then diane started acting all weird. ok well she usually acts crazy. i think i found that out. that and she says she’s crazy.

ok so i think to have face it. part of me enjoys compliments because of the recognition. but another half just hates it. i absolutely detest it. because this means i get glory. i dont want glory. Christ deserves glory. but i feel like i dont always make that connection when i receive compliments and such. and that frustrates me. and compliments when taken in the wrong way can be pride feeding. and im so afraid that it can happen. maybe i’m being over sensitive/conscious of it. i need a better way to deal with compliments than just acting shy or embarrassed. i think i still think/act in extremes, and i need to moderate that. i should be able to appreciate comments because people are trying to act lovingly, but also recognize that it doesn’t puff up my self image. (not sure if that’s articulated correctly)

long aside. my bad. but i believe diane was dancing and pretending i was a celebrity. so i just looked around aimlessly…ok, we took a picture with aj and andrew. dont know why they put me in the middle when aj and andrew are the important ones. and i felt tall. ( BIG SURPRSIE) hahahahah. wow. that made me feel awkwardly confident. actually i just felt awkward because i should’nt have been in the middle and im not usually the tall one in the picture.

man, these memories make it seem like it went bad. but it actually went really well. im just too used to overthinking. anyways, we hung out there and just waited until most people cleared out to talk to aj and andrew. they are SO down to earth and friendly. oh and aj touched my face! so random, but i somehow got stuck as i was moving around, and i was trying to get by him (this is not getting anywhere good) and he touched my face. horrible ending. crap. no need to elaborate.

new paragraph. so i feel like i actually know a youtube star. so cool. maybe im blowing it out of proportion, but it was so fun to meet aj. and to have him say i sing well… GOLLY. and its about time to wrap up this incredibly long but memorable entry.

went to late night and picked up a cherry madonna cheese cake. looked good, and tasted amazing. i decided to do an experiment, and i picked up a bottle of milk to see if i was lactose intolerant. drank it all. did physics homework. finished my shaw application. celebrated angela’s 21st birthday (SO PACKED. SO POPULAR) and then spent the rest of the night… 4 hours on a simple 500-word essay on my intellectual goals. i had NO idea it would be so hard. its not like i dont have intellectual goals. i just dont think about them…

anyways, im at the study lounge now, and from 12-4 i periodically let out a lot of gas. well, except for the time when jinah and esther came to study. that was troublesome. they werent annoying or anything, i just had to hold in a lot of gas. so i did some shifting. and they left around 330. phew. relief. and so to conclude, i believe milk makes me gassy due to my lactose intolerance. and i finished that paper.

TODAY WAS A BIG DAY. though the heavy rain didn’t make it seem like that. i can’t wait for spring break/KRUP. God is good, and I can’t wait to see what He’s going to do this upcoming week. I am so thankful. WHEW.