Of course God knew what would happen if they [creatures with free will] used their freedom the wrong way: apparently He thought it worth the risk. Perhaps we feel inclined to disagree with Him. But there is a difficulty about disagreeing with God. He is the source from which all your reasoning power comes: you cold not be right and He wrong any more than a stream can rise higher than its own source. When you are arguing against Him you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all: it is like cutting off the branch you are sitting on. If God thinks this state of war in the universe a price worth paying for free will—that is, for making a live world in which creatures can do real good or harm and something of real importance can happen, instead of a toy world which only moves when He pulls the strings—then we may take it it is worth paying. — C.S. Lewis - Mere Christianity
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotion, spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never tasted victory or defeat. — Theodore Roosevelt (via johnliao)

(via johnliao-deactivated20110706)

You know, it’s quite a job to start loving somebody. You have to have energy, generosity, blindness. There is even a moment, in the very beginning, when you have to jump across a precipice: if you think about it you don’t do it. I know I’ll never jump again.

Jean Paul Sartre, Nausea 

love is risky…but worth the risk :)

(via justinchien)

(via unresolved7th)


“If you’re going to risk and maybe fail, fail at something that matters. Fail gloriously so that even in failure, lives change.”


“If you’re going to risk and maybe fail, fail at something that matters. Fail gloriously so that even in failure, lives change.”

(via storiesanddesign)

I did the most dangerous thing I could when I said I love you, but it was worth it. If I got through my fear for you, you could get through yours for me. — Chuck Bass * Submitted by nerdswagger (via quote-book)
I’m not frightened. I’m not frightened of anything. The more I suffer, the more I love. Danger will only increase my love. It will sharpen it, forgive its vice. I will be the only angel you need. You will leave life even more beautiful than you entered it. Heaven will take you back and look at you and say: Only one thing can make a soul complete and that thing is love. — Michael Berg, The Reader (submitted by differentsun)

day 270 - a day worth remembering!

what a day worth remembering! it’s both the big and small things… and my heart just feels so at rest.

classes went fine, but i was and am still worried about my two exams this week… but, in order to make time to study, i got a LOT of work done throughout the day, especially during my break in between class. i’m so surprised that i didn’t procrastinate! i ate chicken nuggets with ryan, and cleaned the kitchen floor and kitchen top in the process. :) haha, i’m envious in a good way of nick tsaur because he’s known for his cleaning abilities :P something i want to emulate though i’m afraid that i may have cleaned too much today and now i won’t want to clean for some time… but it was so stress relieving. i also cleaned the bathroom and did the dishes twice :D haha, i feel so proud of myself…

so, after getting all my work due tomorrow out of the way, i could concentrate on tonight: the first all-shaw seminar! while things were set, i just had a nagging doubt that it could possibly go wrong… that not many people would show up, but… that wasn’t the case at all!

but, before i go into that, another important thing was that i cooked for my roommates today!! well except for marco… because he had LSATs, but i realized that i couldn’t keep meat around for 3 weeks.. (what a fail!) i didn’t realize vegetables and meat expired that quickly haha. the bulgogi was left a bit open in the fridge, so that smelled RANCID. whew… i almost tried to grill that! thankfully, i still had another package of spare ribs that wasn’t opened… it kinda smelled sour, but marco said it was fine and he’s much better at cooking than me. i decided to try my hand at a new dish, broccoli! i called my mom to make sure how to defrost them, and then sauteed them :D oh and i added garlic powder & salt… but i think i need to add a bit more next time because i couldn’t really taste it. so, we had a family dinner with nick, ryan & me… and i also reheated a chicken dish and a beef & green pepper dish. i grilled the entire box of spare ribs, and i guess it was fine too… i thought it tasted a bit sour, but perhaps i was just being paranoid. we were stuffed at the end, and i’m glad i got cooked most of the perishable stuff (next time i’ll definitely buy only what i need!). anyways, cooking made me feel really…. skilled. i was cooking rice, heating up food, and grilling meat all at the same time! haha, it made me feel like an iron chef or something… but it looks like i’m making progress in cooking! YES.

after cooking, i got ready for the all-shaw seminar… got to dress up and gelled my hair too. oh, even though i liked dressing up (well business casual), i realized that some people would be reluctant to do so… so that kind of fed into my fear of not many people showing up… anyways, i went to macelroy to pick up the cookies & vegetables for the seminar, and had binh to help me move the stuff. good thing i found him! i don’t think i could’ve done it by myself.

at cushing, we started to set up, and there were already some people there… good. but, soon enough, we had the entire room filled as shaw people strolled in, and so we had around 40-50 kids there! that was fantastic because that was exactly the atmosphere we wanted for coach donahue. now, i wish the room was better because it was kinda hot with so many people, and everyone was sitting in cruddy desks… but it worked. i was definitely nervous standing before all four years and introducing the coach, but i felt so encouraged to see so many people, especially those from my class, there to listen to coach donahue speak. and honestly, while i did the intro and am in charge of the seminars for the shaw program, andrew did most of the work of organizing the all-shaw seminar, so i really can’t take credit…especially since he was the one who had the idea of getting coach donahue and was able to invite him!

anyways, coach donahue was a great speaker. he gave a lot of examples about basketball, since he’s the new basketball coach for BC, so i thought possibly those who didn’t understand basketball would be at a loss… but i really enjoyed them. i think he tried to make them as relatable as possible, and he gave a lot of good wisdom about leadership. if i were to take two things away from his talk, it would be that leaders must be energy-givers? (shoot, i can’t believe i forgot the term, lol!), not energy-drainers and must seek to change/root out those who are energy drainers in the group because our perceptions will affect our leadership. if we’re constantly negative, how can we expect anything good? and many times, this attitude becomes a self-fulfilled prophecy. secondly, leaders need humility, and he exemplified it. i can’t believe he’s SO down to earth! i never went to a basketball game at BC before, but now, i am SO going to go! he talked about how he began his career as a high school coach for girls and guys basketball… receiving no pay. at age 30. he made ends meet by selling paint. seriously?! he was able to go to upenn as an assistant coach, and then from there, cornell, and finally to BC. now obviously, just listing schools doesn’t truly illustrate the struggles he endured at each place, but i was so impressed about how he could speak from experience and that he has applied what he is talking about… and now look where he is! incredible. i can’t believe our BC basketball coach is so humble… he tells us that for anything he does, he has to give it his all, whether that’s coaching or giving his kids a bath. oh and at the end, he gave us an open invitation to see him at court! like… possibly play?! LOL. jk i wouldn’t want to embarrass him because then he’d have to admit knowing who i was… but he extended that invitation! why? because he truly believes that the BC basketball players should represent the student population. sure, i guess all this could be taken as being superficial, but after listening to his story, he speaks from truth and humble beginnings. what a great story he’s lived so far (something i hope to do as well!), and i can’t wait to see what’s in store for BC Basketball! NCAA champs? ;)

after the seminar, many shawsters stayed after to mingle and there was even a LINE to talk to the coach. ridiculous! and, everyone i talked to said they had a good time and enjoyed his talk. that gave me a HUGE feeling of relief because this first seminar would set the tone for the rest of the year… and even though we would have fr. leahy come next… the first one needed to set the precedent of being applicable to all years and engaging to people from all backgrounds. the best thing is, i can’t take credit for it =) i just brought the cookies there…haha

i left a bit early because people were still mingling, and then i headed to the plex. i know… i don’t exercise. but i was convinced (though VERY hesitant) to go join an indian dance exercise with steph and maryjo. haha, on the walk there, i was convincing myself that i had my masculine identity figured out and that hopefully there were other guys and that i wouldn’t be the odd one out… surprisingly, it was fun! i wasn’t very coordinated, and some of the more complicated dance things confused the heck out of me… but i got a couple laughs out of too =) it was definitely more enjoyable with friends there, but man, there was a white guy who was SO good at it… i just kept looking at his feet because i had no idea what to do. this reminded me of the insanity workout because today was more of a cardio workout instead of choreography… so i guess i lucked out because choreography would be harder to follow, haha. but yeah, this was like insanity lite… with some ab workout mixed in. well, i’m glad i did this too because i know i wouldn’t have done so without some convincing. like never in a million years! sooo, i’m so glad i did something that i didn’t regret and that i’ll remember because i took a risk =)

well… now to study for my exam. :/ and the office is still hilarious. and i LOVE tamia. i don’t know why i keep listening to her songs… but i managed to learn better chords for officially missing you. gosh her voice is amazing…

day 225

woo. proud of my self control :P didn’t play starcraft 2 at all today! instead, i filled it with playing some piano/guitar, reading, and working on my UCSF supplement. so i felt pretty productive today, especially getting a lot of things out of the way. oh, and i spent a long time the night before trying fix my sister’s computer. she managed to get a keylogger and some malware on it, and it was SO annoying trying to figure out how to get rid of them, but with spyboy & cc cleaner, i got the job done :)

ROFL was fun, as we tried out a new game called loaded questions. it was hilarious! it’s definitely a great conversation starter. anyways, i shared a bit from sex god, mainly about relationships and the risk it takes to love. to give away power. and to give others the choice to accept or reject you. darn, i wish they could just read the book! it’s SO good haha.

returning home, i spent the rest of the time uploading and updating the taiwan pictures. my sister tagged all of it :P and i’m SO glad to be done with that…. finally!

day 133

wow a huge day for me, and i’m so happy that i came out of it intact and proud of the work i was able to put into the two finals.

i woke up to the alarm of my phone, and soon after, shinyoung texted me. thank goodness for the double alarm. or else, i might’ve forgotten to wake up. 2 hours, felt disoriented, but i could function. went to lower to get breakfast, ate it as i went up to fulton. studied a couple things with shinyoung, who freaking pulled an allnighter… anyways, we headed up to lyons and my stomach felt funny. probably from the lack of sleep/adrenaline/food. but, i was surprised to have retained all the info i needed for the test, having only studied roughly 4-5 hours for the test. phew. such a relief. and it was SUCH a joy to have correctly guessed the answers for the unknown pieces.

after this, i went to hillside with justin, we parted ways and i ate lunch with sean and phil, who were studying for philosophy and latin. i did my final studying for philosophy and headed back up to carney with them. despite having cramps from writing so much in music, my hand could handle the three short essays i had to write. thankfully, the prompt wasn’t too difficult to identify, and i could write out somewhat coherent ideas. haha. and with that done, i felt a large amount of stress just disappear from my body. whew. and so i returned back to my room, and took a well-deserved nap.

woke up to don’s phone call, as he was going to bring me the red velvet cupcakes that i bought from naomi kim 09 from krup fundraiser. she gave me 12! and they look good :D when don came by to drop off the cupcakes, he realized that he had never visited, so he took a quick tour. and we talked about physics and the sort as i looked for a proper container for the cupcakes. then i took a shower (since i didn’t get a chance, and i have a tendency to need to be clean to start a day…) and by then, it was time for dinner with steph, and i decided to bring some of my cupcakes to see who would want one.

as i met steph at lower, she was talking to some of her friends, one of them was priya, and i was able to give one away to her and her friend. then, i gave one to kisuk and eugene when they happened to come by while steph and i were eating. lots of interesting conversations, especially when don and eugene joined us for dinner with mcdonalds. actually, kisuk came before them and he just stopped by to say hello before being called to leave for victorias. i hope he gets the google job! and i heard he’s a good cook :D. anyways, when don and eugene came, we started talking about disney world, and six flags. and i admitted that in my 15-20 trips to disney world (i know, excessive….ridiculous. and i would rather stay at home and play videogames but nooooo my mom says i should go outside), i’ve never been on a rollercoaster. nope. don’t want to. but then, since steph and don are from nj, they talked about how crazy the rollercoasters are at the sixflags nj. like el toro? or nitro? blah. i’m either gonna have to be kidnapped or tricked REAL well to be put in a rollercoaster. not a fan. oh well. and i don’t think i’m gonna let such a fear define possibly what could be the idea of masculinity. hah. because obviously, i’m too cool for that. but honestly, i just don’t like them. i don’t care if the risk calculation is low and that everything is controlled. you’re wasting time persuading a rock to fly. :D

then again, i do crazy things that others would not consider doing. and perhaps those are more dangerous because they aren’t “calculated” due to my spontaniety and lack of thinking things through. i remember reading a cool poster on prof. burdo’s wall about stupid and risky things….but i forget the actual words. it made sense though. i gotta take chances on the things that can be risky, but in a sense they will better me. improve me. and not kill me. (well at least not physically)

after dinner, i just stayed in my room because i had no friend (NICK) to watch survivor with me. so i watched lots of youtube videos and read blogs. and pre-ordered super mario galaxy 2! and then it was time to watch the celtics DOMINATE the cavs! woot. good day! and i spent the rest of the night just relaxing, reading blogs, listening to music. i think i’ll start studying tomorrow….because my mind and body just want to recuperate from such a stressful situation. yay it’s friday!

oh right, and i got late night with hanyin before going to bed. and that was fun. we brought it to the vandy cabaret room to eat because it was empty, and we just talked. about god. girls. and wisdom. (couldn’t think of a third g that would be remotely similar…) anyways, we touched upon how we could be a better person…and to think about a critique we would give one another. i told him that a stable identity is crucial to our development and he told me i need to make more non-asian friends. shooooooooot. how true. i think i spent all my time this year investing in acf. or friends known through acf people. it was enjoyable and i definitely got to know a lot of people that i would not have otherwise due to my general lack of initiative to meet new people. but honestly, it was a criticism i saw coming. my next year roommates, or even this year. talk about it. and it’s true. and i’m not sure how to deal with it. of course, i’ve always roomed with white people….though i think i’ve spent more time with the people i study with.. too much studying. haha.

but, i’m thankful that i have friends who will tell me the truth when i ask for it, and well, i need to change this. i don’t think i’m just gonna “ditch” the friends i’ve made this year (though i admit i’m not the best at keeping in touch with people), but i need to make a sincere effort in the relationships i want to maintain. AND, if i’m gonna have to make more non-asian friends…i guess i’d start with people i’m comfortable with. i.e. shaw & people in my major. lol. i think most of my white friends are pre-med/bio. greaaaat. i’ll have to ponder on this a bit more.